This is the correlation of salvation and love...

I'm really sick of not knowing who my real friends are.
I know, this is probably a tired topic... same shit, different day.
But it's true.
I'm sick of thinking people in BCM love me, only to find they have fucking "secret meetings" and talk about how I don't do shit, and I'm a horrible leader.
It hurts.
It hurts a lot.
It hurts beyond the capacity my words have, in a capacity only blood can speak to.
The blood looked pretty... freeing, as if their words had no power over who I was.
When I'm not bleeding, though, they do. They govern me.
I hurt so badly, cause I try.
I cannot move past my past and be fully functional in 2 years though.
I'm working, and I'll continue working until I'm there. It may be years though...
Why can't people see this?
All I want is for someone to tell me I'm okay the way I am. They love me.
Love is so hard to obtain.